What are you afraid of standing at the door of marriage?
The fear at the door of marriage stood on the edge of marriage for the first time. I was 27 years old.
This is an age that is considered good by many people including my mother.
Not to mention that this man who wants me can be regarded as “advanced gray” according to current fashionable words.
According to him, when I was 16 years old, he was already ranked first in the team who planned to marry me home as my wife. With this sentence, I would date him 11 years later.
The 27-year-old woman no longer dreams of her brain but counts with her fingers in the face of life-long events.
Many nights I lay my fingers on the bed: two houses + two cars + 300,000 annual salary + unconditional love for me = happiness.
In this way, he asked me if I could bring my household registration book and unit certificate to go with him to get married, and I nodded easily.
I ran to the Civil Affairs Bureau in a taxi and halfway received a friend ‘s phone call. He said why you did n’t have a farewell meal with us and left with a man. I said I did n’t plan to say goodbye to you.How can we mix together after a while, my friend has no voice for a long time, and finally asked what marriage you married?
Later, for this problem, I turned around the sycamore tree in front of the Civil Affairs Bureau three times, and finally said sorry to the prospective groom who was watching me, I couldn’t marry you.
Having said that, I fled the scene at a sprint speed, and I didn’t dare go home to see my mother that night.
After that my mom didn’t cook for me for a month.
After 6 years, it took me only three months to meet an honest man with a small house and be his wife. My mother asked me what I think about marriage, and I told her that I spent 6 years finallyI figured out the question when I turned around the sycamore tree and didn’t think of an answer: a woman needs to judge whether she can live with a man as a husband and wife, just ask herself, if his elaborate wife wants to work after workCome back home.
Women running away at the door of marriage are often due to fear. After 27 years old, my fear was to start a family. I have no attachment to this family and another person in this family.
Some people naively equate “free marriage” with “happy marriage” and ignore the two concepts that are completely different.
Honestly, after marriage has become a “private matter” for individuals to choose freely, it is far more fragile than “parent’s order”, “matchmaker’s word” or “routine formula” in the past.
It is difficult for people without certain knowledge and ability to truly understand and use the right to freedom of marriage. Moreover, the symbol and scope of this right to freedom are still changing with the times and individuals.
In recent years, various new ideas about the right to freedom have flowed into our traditional society, which has been closed for many years, and have brought shocks to people’s ideas and behaviors regarding marriage.
Until recently, even today, young people are still struggling with various “unfree” marriages, such as arranged marriages, sale marriages, and compulsory marriages caused by external conditions such as property, housing, public opinion, and feudal morals.However, people have entered an empty “freedom world” in which they seem to recognize a kind of “freedom” emptiness and pressure.
If you do n’t see him, there are a series of possible contradictions and even crises in free marriage. Some couples who have enjoyed the right to freedom of marriage with joy and joy also surround the difficult situation of marriage breakdown.
Unfree marriages and free marriages can also become unfortunate, but truly happy marriages are so out of reach!
If it is said that marriage from non-free to free must be corrected by the social revolution to change the “great environment”, then from free marriage to happy marriage, most of all rely on their own ideals and unremitting efforts to create an optimization.”Small environment”.
A happy marriage is like a variety of artistic creations, not a product that can be produced in large quantities. Society cannot design a standard model for it.
When a person chooses a spouse to marry, has children, and creates a happy family and enjoys a happy life, the process is the same as a sculptor chooses a raw material to process into a work of art.
If a person intends to create a happy and beautiful marriage, then he must start from the point of choosing a spouse and step by step.
Marriage has a creative beginning, and then uses its unique technology and willpower to continuously process, modify, decorate, and improve, because the standard of happiness is constantly increasing, and one’s psychological desire for happiness is endless.
If there is a problem at some stage of the marriage process, or even a total failure, then find the cause from each branch.
It is a pity that many people do not understand that successful marriage is a creative process. They often attribute the unsuccessfulness to the improper choice of their spouses, without investigating their ability and patience for creativity.
When they encounter setbacks, they blame each other, and even “abandon old plans and new ones” easily, thinking that changing a spouse will solve the problem.
As everyone knows, if you don’t create the artistic talent for a happy marriage yourself, even the best “raw materials” will be scrapped in your hands.
Moreover, as the spouse of the “raw material” for creating a happy marriage, they are living people with great plasticity and potential for cooperation. If they cooperate well, they can achieve “multiple results with less effort”. Even if there are mistakes, they can be easily restored or corrected.
Compared with the creation of ordinary works of art, the difficulty of creating a happy marriage with quality that can change at any time has increased the difficulty of creation.
Unfortunately, modern people seem to be increasingly lacking courage and patience in the matter of creating a happy marriage. They have no intention to give enough effort, and some people do not have the ability and skills to create, and the perseverance to learn and practice.
Of course, the scientific research and knowledge dissemination of marriage and family in the society also lags behind the times. The lack of convenient institutions and personnel to provide scientific help and guidance to people in difficulties is also the reason for the increasing number of marriage tragedies.
This involves the necessity and possible issues of previous extensive marriage counselling.